A few weeks ago my grandma passed away, and I find that death has a way of making me really reflect on the kind of life I want to lead. She died 5 days short of 5 years apart from my other grandma, who was the first person I ever lost that I was talk-to-you-every-single-day kind of close with.
Admittedly, this grandma and I weren’t as tight, but she touched a lot of lives and made people laugh with her in-your-face North Jersey sense of humor. When I visited her in the hospital a couple weeks back as she neared the end of her battle with cancer, I was thinking about how a few short months ago, she had my husband and I hysterically laughing when she shared with us how she had been eating marijuana laced goodies to deal with the pain, but had to stop eating them because they were giving her the munchies too much. Apparently she was waking up in the middle of the night to make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and eat cookies.
Last September, we celebrated my grandma’s 75th birthday. Here she is with some of her grandkids and great grandbabies.
My grandma finding humor amidst her struggles is how I’ll remember her. This is a trait that I think I have and want to continue embodying. After all, isn’t life better when you can laugh, even through the shitty parts?
While death is an inevitable part of life, knowing that doesn’t really make it any easier to cope sometimes. But I do appreciate the realizations that losing someone reminds me of as I strive to live my best life.
And so lately, I’ve been thinking about how all of the little things that us humans get worked up about on a daily basis (some more than others) don’t matter at all in the end. Is some random person yelling at you for your dog peeing in their front yard worth stressing you out that morning? Does it really matter if your partner is messier than you? Or if your friend is always running 15 minutes late and keeps you waiting? All of this worthless noise is distracting us from being our happiest selves.
When it comes to a healthy lifestyle, which is at the core of this blog, it’s more than just what you eat and the workouts you do. Mental health is also a big part of an all-encompassing healthy lifestyle. Your mindset makes such a difference in your stress levels and overall health, though this is something that I often see dramatically overlooked by even “healthy” people because it isn’t a quick fix or something you can just turn on. It takes work and conscious effort to have a consistently healthy mindset.
If we keep our focus steady on the positive, uplifting aspects of our lives, it leaves little room to be stressed or annoyed at the silly, meaningless stuff. The next time you find yourself aggravated by something you know is not important, try to take a long, deep breath in and out, and then consciously recenter your brain towards something that brings you good energy instead.
I’ve also been thinking about how most of us are striving to fit a mold of what we “should” be doing in our lives.
We should get married.
We should have babies.
We should live near our families.
Hell, maybe we should just live in the same town we grew up in.
We should have a regular 9-5 job, and we should follow a certain career path (even if isn’t interesting or exciting to us).
I’m even noticing a lot of “should” talk associated with my current pregnant state. People keep telling me I need to do this or have that, I definitely shouldn’t do that, I should have the nursery ready (nope), I should plan for this thing that isn’t even happening for years, or I should be at least thinking about it by now. It’s enough to make you crazy if you stop and really pay attention to it! I ignored the pregnancy “should” for a lot of years before I felt like we were ready to become parents – and even then I questioned my motivations for a couple years before deciding having a baby is something I wanted versus what society tells me I should want.
14 weeks pregnant in Turks & Caicos earlier this year
My overall attitude towards the endless shoulds? Screw the expectations. Do what makes you happy. Do what brings you joy. Go at your own pace, as long as you’re moving towards goals, working on dreams, and carving out a life that makes you truly content – not just what you think are the right moves by societal standards.
For the past 8 months, I’ve been ignoring societal expectations for my career. When I stopped working at the public relations agency I had been a part of for a decade, I made a conscious decision not to pursue full-time publicist jobs at other agencies. Instead, I decided to further pursue the freelance work I had been doing as a side hustle for awhile. These days I wear a number of job hats, including helping to run a local Pilates studio, writing for a number of brands, and being the social media manager for a local business. I’m still figuring it all out, but rejecting low-passion career choices has been important to me in creating the life that I envision.
The truth is, we’re not supposed to have all of the answers and know exactly what’s going to happen in your lives. And really, where would the fun be in knowing everything? (yawn)
From where I stand, we’ve been given this one world, and worrying it away is such a waste. Prioritizing the people you love, your health, the things you love doing, & being true to your core is the recipe for a happy life.
How have you been creating and shaping a life that you love?
I’m so sorry to hear about your grandmother, Nicole. My thoughts are with you, and you’re right — death makes a person do a lot of reflecting. Positive self talk is crucial and I need to do a better job of it!
Thanks a lot, Marcie! I appreciate it.
Our family has also experienced loss in the last year. It really can put things into perspective and change the way you think about everyday events. I never really wrote about mine because I was not sure how to. I hope that your doing so helps you process things
So, so true. Sometimes it’s hard to verbalize your emotions when it comes to these types of events in our lives, but I always find that writing is therapeutic.
Sorry to hear about your loss but I love what you have taken away from it! Very well said and written.
Thanks so much, Patrick!