Gram’s Anadama Bread

“Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.” – Dr. Seuss

Tomorrow marks a year since my grandma passed away, so today it felt fitting to share with you the recipe for a homemade bread that she often baked.

Before last year, I had never experienced the heartache of losing someone really close to me. Sure, there’d been acquaintances, family friends, and relatives that had passed away, but before my grandma died, I hadn’t felt what it was like to go through real grief with another person dying – the kind that hits you like a mack truck on random days at random times, when all of a sudden it dawns on you that a person that you loved so much is gone.

Christmas 2013

I know that most people think, “She was in her 70s? That’s a pretty good life.”  Yes, absolutely. A grandma at the average life span that an American woman lives to passing away can’t be considered a tragedy. But I suppose my issue with it is that I don’t want to live just to an average age myself, and I didn’t want that for my grandma either. She always said that she wanted to live to 100, and I half believed that she would do so.

With her dying, I’ve thought about a lot of questions regarding our existence and understanding this world that we live in. I’m just not convinced of anything for sure as to what happens after death, and I’m slightly jealous of people who have such strong faith in their convictions. It would probably give me more peace of mind, but I just can’t force myself to wholeheartedly believe in certain things.

Here and there, there have been little signs and I’ll dream of her, and I wonder if it’s her way of trying to connect with me, or if it’s all in my head. But who really knows for sure? Such is life I suppose.

Sometimes I forget that she’s gone. Just the other day I was sitting in traffic driving home, and I went to dial her number to chitchat to pass the time, as I often did. There are times it feel surreal, when it seems so strange to think about this new normal in my family of her not being there.

Sometimes I think that maybe I don’t deal all that well with death. It’s just such a weird concept to me that one day you can be talking to someone, and the next day they’re gone. I don’t think it helps that my grandma was terrified of death. She didn’t want to ever face the fact that she would die at some point, so we never seriously talked about it, and I feel like part of that fear has rubbed off on me. I hope that in my journey of spiritual awareness and personal growth, I somehow figure out how to be more at peace with the concept of death.

With my cousins, grandma, sister and mom on my wedding day

So for now, all I can do is remember all of the happy memories, of which there were many – some of which I talked about in this post.

Every time I play Frank Sinatra – her favorite – on the piano, I think of her.

When I catch a political news station on the television, I think of the constant blare of political talk shows throughout her house.

Any time I look down on my wrist, where an “xoxo” scratched in her handwriting is tattooed on me in her favorite teal color, I think of her constant need to send gifts and cards. If you told her you had a cold, a few days later, a get well card would show up in your mailbox, signed from her and her dog Koko. Every Valentine’s Day, I got some sort of love-themed gift – including the heart shaped measuring spoons I use every single day.

My sister, cousin & me when we first got our matching grandma tribute tats

I think about the funny things she used to say: “Meow, meow, meow, do you drink your milk out a saucer?” was one my favorite sayings of hers, which she would say if she felt like we were being “catty” and gossiping about someone. Throughout football season, I’d get calls from her that started with her saying things like, “Are you watching the game? Aren’t those Manning brothers so cute?’

Every time I cook and bake food that she used to make, I feel like a little piece of her is within me… hence today’s bread:

My gram made this bread often when we would go over her house for dinner. Last month was the first time I ever attempted to make it myself, and while my bread looked darker than hers always did, when I sliced a piece of piping hot bread to try, I was happy to find out that it came out quite tasty. Mine tastes more wholesome than hers, which makes me think that she subbed more white flour than wheat, but I like this version just as well.

In fact, I think I ate 1/2 the loaf for dinner that night – just warm and toasty with some butter slathered on top. There’s just something so good about homemade bread. I incorporated a slice of it as a side to many of meals in the next couple of weeks, including this Mediterranean salad lunch:

The molasses makes the bread mildly sweet, which makes me love it with peanut butter + banana + cinnamon as well. When I eat this bread, I’m reminded of all of the funny memories of my gram that make me smile. While my heart still aches missing her some days, I feel so, so grateful to have had her as my sweet little grandma.

So this weekend, take a few moments to count your blessings. Give the people you love a hug. Call them and tell them you love them. Forget about whatever silly thing you may be mad about. Do your best to be an honest, grateful, fearless, forgiving human being….

Life is precious, so go out and start making happy memories that you can hold on to…oh, and if you have time, make this bread!

Gram's Anadama Bread

Foodie Loves Fitness

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Prep Time 2 hours hrs

Cook Time 40 minutes mins

Total Time 2 hours hrs 40 minutes mins

Servings 2 large loaves

Ingredients

  

1x2x3x

• 3 cups whole wheat flour
• About 2 1/2 cups white flour
• 1/2 cup cornmeal
• 1/2 cup molasses
• 1 package of active dry yeast
• 3 TBSP butter
• 1 cup cold water + 1 1/2 cups water to boil
• 2 TSP salt
• Olive oil for brushing

Instructions

 

• In a small bowl, mix the cornmeal with 3/4 cup cold water. Soften the yeast in the remaining cold water.
• Boil the remaining water. Add the cornmeal in, and stir until the mixture boils again. Add the butter, molasses, and salt, then combine well. Allow it to cool to a lukewarm temperature.
• In a large bowl, combine the yeast with the corn meal mixture. Add in the whole wheat flour, then mix in enough white flour to make it a fairly firm dough. Place on a flour dusted cutting board, and knead until it's somewhat smooth and elastic.
• Grease the same large bowl, then place the ball of dough in the bowl. Grease the surface of the dough, cover with a towel, and let the dough rise in a warm place, preferably 80-85 degrees (I placed mine outside in the hot sun for about an hour. Keeping it over a dryer would work well too.). Allow the dough to about double in bulk.
• Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Meanwhile, knead the dough lightly again, and shape into 2 loaves. Place dough on greased cookie sheets, and brush with olive oil. Cover with towels, and allow the dough to sit for 20 minutes.
• Bake for 15 minutes. Reduce the oven temperature to 375, and bake again until the loaves are golden brown and cooked through, around 20 minutes.
• Enjoy it while it's hot! This bread also freezes well.

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