Motherhood Reflections // Celebrating 20 Months of Life With My Baby Girl

This week marks 20 months of life for my (not so little anymore) baby!

I wanted to share a motherhood reflections + baby celebration post at Camryn’s 18 month mark – but ya know, life has been busy! Before last year, I never would have pictured myself being a full-time stay-at-home mom who also works, but here I am, juggling it all.

The Pandemic Shake Up

My baby plan was to hire a part-time nanny, which I did when Camryn was a few months old. I loved working from my home office part of the day and getting a break from nonstop holding and feeding, yet also getting to spend a lot of time with my tiny human. It was the best of both worlds to me, as I enjoy being creative and working, yet I also wanted to be Camryn’s primary caretaker. I had anticipated that I’d gradually take on more work as 2020 progressed.

Instead, the world found itself in the throes of a pandemic, and like many parents, my world changed & my plans were thrown out the window. Amidst COVID-19, I’ve been taking care of Camryn nonstop, and it certainly has been a lot juggling it all. It’s hard not getting time to myself, as I devote her nap times to work and she unfortunately doesn’t go to bed early, but at the same time, I know that I’m lucky in so many ways. Lucky to have a great husband that pitches in a lot when he’s not working, lucky to have the luxury of working part-time, lucky to not be financially stressed due to the pandemic as so many people are.

And so, while the rest of this post is going to talk more about my baby girl, I wanted to take a moment to sort of pat myself on the back & celebrate making it through over a year of crazy pandemic life!

In normal times, motherhood is freaking hard, and for 20 months I’ve put my heart & soul into trying to be the best caretaker and role model to my daughter.

I also want to say that if you’re a parent to babies or toddlers during this pandemic, know that you aren’t alone in feeling exhausted & burnt out. I’m sure the same is true for parents of children at any age, but the tiniest of humans need so much nonstop love & attention. Us parents are not meant to work while watching our kids, and it’s normal to want to have regular breaks from our children. These are not normal circumstances, but know that you’re doing a wonderful job & that these times won’t last forever. We’re seeing light at the end of the tunnel finally!

A Few of My Favorite Cammie Things

From the start, Camryn has kept me on my toes. She’s a sassy, giggly, impatient, music-loving, mama’s girl who never stops moving, and these days, never stops talking. She can say just about anything, and we’ve been practicing both the ABC’s and counting up to ten.

When Camryn’s supposed to be going to sleep at night, she rattles off her top new words of the day. And while listening to her say “ladybug…thank you…hippo” 25 times in a row when I’ve been trying to get her to sleep for an hour can be aggravating, I’ll admit that having the wheels constantly turning in her brain when she’s supposed to be winding down is a quality she inherited from me!

I have a never-ending list of things that I love about Miss Camryn Elisse, including:

• Her contagious giggles & how we already have inside jokes together because she already has a great sense of humor
• Her sweet little singing voice, and the way she impressively picks up melodies & wakes up singing lyrics to John Legend & Justin Timberlake songs
• Her awesome dance moves that make me smile every day, and the way she can’t help but shake her hips when she hears a catchy tune⠀
• How she’s a little foodie who loves pulling up her kitchen stool to help me whip up meals
• Her sweet kisses with accompanying “mwah” sound effects
• That beautiful little face that makes it nearly impossible to stay mad at her for more than a few minutes – even when she swings at me for no reason, keeps me up all night or doesn’t nap a wink that day. ⠀

Motherhood…Harder Than it Seems!

Motherhood started off pretty rocky for me. While the transition from a 30-something world traveling, self-care lover to mother to a newborn is a transition in itself, it was honestly even harder for me to adjust to having such a challenging baby.

Many days I found it hard to not constantly be asking myself questions like… Why was I given a colicky baby who screams nonstop? How come she never seems content no matter what I do? Why won’t my baby latch to make feeding an easier feat? Why does my baby need to sleep on top of me instead of in her bassinet as I planned? 

While Camryn is still not the laidback little one I had envisioned (and I doubt that’s going to change!), she has changed & grown so much – & in some ways I have as well. Motherhood has reminded me how little control we have over life sometimes. It’s given me more patience. It’s taught me that to be a good mother, it means to give & give, and just when you think you can’t give anymore, you find a way to dig deeper & keep charging forward.

At the same time, I strongly believe that finding time for self-care & doing things that I love has helped me keep my sanity throughout this pandemic & these past 20 months in general. Sometimes an hour to myself to take a bath, get a workout in, write, or simply take a nap can make all the difference!

I’ll end this post with something I wrote down at 3 AM one night a few months back, which just about sums motherhood to Cam up for me…

My Little Girl

And now, here I am ⠀
A thousand salty tears ⠀
A million kisses ⠀
And countless hours of sleeplessness later ⠀
Knowing that this child – not the easy going baby I had envisioned before she arrived – was meant for me. ⠀
I was given her to challenge me ⠀
To change me ⠀
To grow me…⠀
And here I am, a year & a half into motherhood
So in love with my little girl. ⠀
💓⠀