Our Brains are Like Velcro to Negativity and Teflon to Positivity {Self-Love Talk}

“You have some under eye circles, so you need a hydrating concealer to help with that,” the Macy’s makeup employee at the Benefit counter said. I feign a smile while staring at the pound of makeup caked on this girl’s face.

A moment later she follows it up with, “I think you should go with shade #2, because you’re supposed to go with your forehead color. Your forehead is darker than the rest of your face, but that should work.”

I look in the mirror in the overly bright department store I’m standing in, then give my husband, who I dragged with me to the makeup counter before a movie, a, “What the hell is this chick talking about?” face.

I walk away muttering that I suppose this girl was just doing her job, although it was totally unsolicited advice, as I was just stopping in to pick up two makeup things I routinely buy. I forget about it for the time being, but throughout the week as I’m getting ready standing in the mirror, I think to myself, “Do I really have bad under eye circles?”

Sure, there are faint rings there as with most of the people on this planet, but this wasn’t something I was self-conscious about before. This isn’t the first time that someone has made me aware of some “flaw” I have that I didn’t mind before that moment. While I take constructive criticism well, I’ll admit that I’m a sensitive soul that sometimes takes unnecessary negative comments to heart. I would be a horrible celebrity for this reason.

The longest lasting negative one-liner was the time in high school when my then boyfriend told me that his friend said something along the lines of, “She’d be perfect if it weren’t for the spaces in her teeth.”

 

This prompted years of me being conscious about my pearly whites, and I even remember a period when I was didn’t want to smile with teeth in pictures because of it. My self-consciousness was also magnified by the fact that every time I went to the dentist, they would repeatedly ask me if I wanted to consider braces to tighten up my teeth, even though they were perfectly straight.

One time when I responded by saying that I didn’t care to get braces, the dentist said something to the effect of, “Okay, yeah you’re a pretty girl. You shouldn’t have a problem finding a husband regardless.” As if my sole purpose in life was to find a husband, and as if the only redeeming quality that my future husband should care about is me being not bad on the eyes. I was a teenager unsure of myself at the time and found myself too shocked to respond, but if that dentist (who was balding and chubby, might I add) would have made that comment a few years later, let’s just say it would have been a different story.

But then I came to a point in my life when I realized that I was okay with my teeth and the way they looked, and that if someone else doesn’t like them, well too damn bad. It helped that around this time a Victoria’s Secret model hit the runway showing off the spaces in her teeth, and Michael Strahan was one of my favorite football players. But it was mostly the result of growing up, developing self-confidence and figuring out who I am. In recent years I’ve shown off my spacey teeth proudly, and although I didn’t require the validation from a guy, I started dating one who told me he thought they were “cute and quirky” just like me (my now husband).

This one very recent example and one long-ago story are among many memories I have of negative things having been said to me – some are small like the former comments, some are more lasting and deep. This week I got to thinking about the way that people can be so quick to judge and criticize others and their imperfections, particularly the hateful comments across the Internet and social media that make me cringe. Are we a society with verbal diarrhea? What happened to just keeping your mouth shut if you don’t have something nice to say?

One of the most interesting phrases I’ve ever heard is, “The brain is like velcro to negativity and teflon to positivity.” While us humans may be hardwired to dwell on that one judgmental comment we hear amongst ten compliments, and I’m guilty of it, on a daily basis I make the conscious choice to focus on the light and love around me. The world can be full of meanness, jealousy, and judgmental people, but it’s also full of amazing, beautiful people with so much to offer.

“Don’t be so quick to give your power away,” Jillian Michaels said, standing a mere 15 feet away from me at a conference last summer. “There’s nothing wrong with praising yourself, being proud of the things that you’re good at. When good things happen, push that voice down that asks, ‘Why me?’ and ask yourself, ‘Why not me?'” 

Her words have stuck with me. I think that this world could greatly benefit from people focusing more on the amazing things they have to offer, instead of the little voice inside of our heads that tells us we’re not good enough, and sometimes causes people to project their own insecurities in the form of nitpicking, jealousy and hate into the world. So in the spirit of self-love, I’m sharing a few things about myself today that make me, ME. 

I’m a good listener who offers good advice. 

I have blue eyes, a color that I share with both of my parents and all of my siblings. 

I’m a hard worker who always is looking to learn more and striving to be better. 

I’m compassionate. I feel for every person and creature and wear my heart on my sleeve.

I have tons of freckles, which I used to try to cover up. Not so much anymore. 

I’m a grammar snob and get peeved when people spell or say things incorrectly (It’s the writer in me!).

 My blonde hair color is natural. I’ve never dyed or highlighted it, and it typically grows like a weed, which has allowed me to chop it off and donate it twice in the last few years. 

I often mix up words and phrases, a trait that I unfortunately got from my mother. She is known for mistakenly saying the craziest things, and I’m afraid that I might get worse like her as I get older. (Ahh!) At least it keeps people around us entertained?! 

I’m easy to talk to, relatable and fun to be around. 

In the midst of this crazy world, how quickly we sometimes forget about our great qualities and the things that make us unique, that make you YOU. Tell me.. What’s something that you love about yourself? Share a trait that makes you unique!