Today’s post is a topic I’ve wanted to write about for awhile — dating yourself.
Out of all the important relationships in your life, the one you have with yourself is the most significant of them all. This idea is central to healthy living, because if you don’t have a good relationship with yourself, it makes it difficult to have meaningful, strong bonds with others. Having positive friendships and connections is pivotal to being your best self.
A few months back, my friend and I were talking about her recent therapy session. They had talked about whether my friend makes
an effort to do enjoyable things on her own to help strengthen her mental, physical, and emotional health – what her therapist deemed as ”dating yourself.” I had never heard it coined that way before, but when I heard her explanation of what it means to date yourself, I said, ”Oh I totally date myself!” Her response was something along the lines of, ”I know, you really do! That’s one of the things I love about you. Whether Adam’s home or not, you make time to do things for you.” 🙂
It’s true, I like to think I make a continuous effort to thrive in all my relationships, whether it be with my husband, family, friends or myself. I think it’s important to never lose yourself in a romantic relationship. I know people who are great examples of maintaining separate hobbies and interests while also being well-connected with their partner. Then there are those who take it to the extreme, either having too much of a separate life from their significant other, or not having one at all. Like most things in life, I believe the key is balance.
Quite honestly, I’m crazy about my husband and just adore being around him a lot. However, I’ve found it beneficial – to both us a couple and me as an individual – to have my own gratifying things going on apart from us as a team. Dating yourself looks different to everyone. For me, it means doing things like volunteering at the Humane Society, challenging myself with exercise, blogging, and occasionally pampering myself. To someone else it might mean taking art classes. Though I love doing active things with Adam, I also look at my workouts as my ”me” time when I problem solve, clear my head, and recharge, so a lot of the time, I exercise alone. Last Friday I dated myself when I hiked alone with Harley, then went to get a fabulous, relaxing pedicure. Giving yourself time to strengthen your relationship with YOU gives you the chance to better figure out who you are, which in turn builds your confidence, which enables you to be a happier person, which equates to you being the best YOU you can be, for both yourself and those you share your life with. What’s the downside to that?!
I understand that this idea of carving out time for yourself is challenging to people with demanding jobs, children, hectic schedules, and the list goes on and on, as life sometimes gets crazy for most people. Ideally, a lot of your passions can somehow be shared with your partner in some way. For instance, Adam loves surfing, and I love to relax in the sun, so we head to the beach together. I love cooking and baking, and Adam enjoys eating my creations. It’s a great thing when some of your interests intertwine, but the idea of dating yourself is to make an effort to do something by yourself, for yourself from time to time.
What are your thoughts on this? Do you date yourself?
This is so true, for some it is very hard to do. I learned that the hard way. Now I do hope that I am better at loving myself.
Agreed, it is hard for some people to do. I think that if you treat yourself well, it gives you this expectation for other people to treat you well too (and not to accept anything less!).
It definitely is harder with jobs and children and life gets crazy but I completely agree with you on how important it is. Even with two kids and two jobs and a wonderful husband, I still manage to squeeze in a little date with myself here and there. And it makes all the difference.
Great post! Happy SITS day!
Good for you!! Thank you Tricia!
Stopping by from SITS! Wise words indeed! Women, moms especially, short-change themselves on the things they need to do to keep themselves happy and healthy because they put everyone else first. Good for you for recognizing that you come first in your own life.
I couldn’t agree more, and I hope that you make yourself a priority too! Thanks for reading!
I think this is so important and making time for yourself a makes you a better wife, mom, friend, etc.
Yes! I totally date myself, I love love love going to the movies, and to breakfast with myself especially. Sometimes I just need some me time and I love it! (Maybe because I grew up as an only child) but whenever I can, I do it! Enjoy your SITS day!
Good for you!! I agree, I love my “me” time. Thanks Nellie!
I like the way you phrased taking time for yourself. It is especially important for those who care for others. You have to care for yourself, first, so you have the energy to care for others. Thanks for the reminder. Enjoy your SITS Day.
You’re so right! Thank you Sheila.
I love the idea of dating oneself. Its poignant when you tend to neglect yourself and put others in front of you.. I might start doing just that from now on.. 🙂 Thanks for the tip.
I hope that you do!
What a great message in this post!! It is so so true that you need to take care of and nurture and love your OWN self before anything or anyone else in your life need attention. I love the phrase “dating yourself”… so many people lose themselves in life and forget that their identity and self worth matter. Visiting from SITS!
Thanks for visiting and for your kind words!
Hello from your fellow SITStah! I was hoping this post was actually about this topic…and it IS! I regularly think about that Buddhist quote you opened with–in fact, it’s in a book of positive and uplifting quotes I carry around w me wherever ago, aka my “bible” 🙂
Fantastic blog–keep up the great work! I’m so inspired by you and can only hope to do as well with my own blog some day!
Hi there! Thanks so much for the kind words, I appreciate it! I love that you have a book of positive quotes – I totally need to do that! I’m a quote maniac and am always posting quotes that inspire me. I’d love to hear your other favorite quotes, please share!!
I completely agree. And if you ARE a busy person it’s even more important to take time out for yourself. You can check out my advice for moms here: http://www.whenthekidsarebored.com/2013/01/take-care-of-yourself-too.html
Definitely! Thanks for sharing.
Happy SITS Day! Yes, balance is so important and so many women try to do it all and short change themselves. Well said!
I loved this post. I date myself and for me it looks like, exercising, blogging, a couple of community involvements, bi-weekly movie trips, massages, hair & nails, & book club…it’s a lot but I like what I like. I am all for keeping your individuality. Happy SITS day! Come visit when it pipes down if you like. We have similar themes.
Good for you!! Thanks a lot, I will definitely be visiting your site!
I think for me, dance classes are how I date myself. They are my chance to get out of the house, away from kids and the mister, and do something that is just for me! It’s important – it keeps me centered and sane!
Nice, you go woman! 😉
I make it a point to do the things that I like to do. Before I was a wife and mommy I was plain ole Andrea Lewis. I will always be her. I will always nurture my interests and create goals for MYSELF. To be the best employee, wife, mother, I have to spend quality time with self. As a matter-of-fact I think I’ll buy myself a bottle of wine tonight. Hello! Happy SITS Day…Andrea @ be-quoted.com
Sounds like a good idea to me!! You’re awesome for making yourself a priority!
My husband gifted me with pottery classes a few years ago. I loved them!! I also loved that he made the arrangements necessary for me to take them. Now with three kids, stressful jobs, soccer, violin and ballet, I’m not sure I can fit them in again. I’d really like to though. It would be awesome if I could carve out that time!!
Yes it would be awesome! What a sweet gift idea from your man. Maybe you could even just fit in a class every couple of weeks instead of weekly? Hey, whatever you can squeeze in would be great right!
Great post – I think working on bettering yourself in turn befits everyone else you come into contact with! Happy SITS Day!
Thank you Danielle! I look forward to checking out recipes on your site.
Yes! I’ve been going to a bar by myself for a few months now. I have a glass of wine, a nice dinner and work on my memoir.
Fabulous! Sounds like a good time to me 🙂
I love this post and I totally agree. For me, my dates with myself are running. It is my time to get away alone and just be in my own head for a few hours.
I feel the same way about my workouts! Thanks for stopping by Nicole.
I’m starting to date myself, time to get out of the rut and rediscover myself.
Good for you Whitney!
Great post. So true. Love your sidebar tools!
Thank you!!