This post’s title might sound strange to you, but let me explain..
For the most part, I’m not an emotional person. I don’t cry very often, am pretty level headed, and don’t lose it all that much. However, what I’m usually like is sometimes not the same as how I am when my marine is deployed (especially when he’s been gone for all of this year!).
Nowadays, I tear up during movies and TV shows at times when it’s totally uncalled for. I pretty much have banned any military related media because it’ll either make me cry or give me nightmares. It’s a funny thing how being separated from your spouse makes you more of a basket case than usual! If you’re thinking I’m crazy, I know I’m not alone with this. My military wife friends and I joke around about randomly getting upset when our men are gone. I think it’s because I don’t really allow myself to sit around and wallow in self-pity, so the stress of it all will just randomly show up throughout the months in the form of bawling after a romantic comedy or Grey’s Anatomy episode. If I was ever pregnant and hormonal during a deployment, it would not be pretty (thankfully I’m not!).
On my plane ride out to the East coast, I read 200+ pages of the second Hunger Games book, Catching Fire (which not surprisingly, also made me want to cry). After finishing the book with some time left in my flight, I put on my iPod’s “slow jams” playlist. I got to thinking about how I love all of the songs on there, but some of them are total Debbie Downers for a girl like me whose missing her man.
Actually, I’ve been ignoring certain songs for the past 6 months for that reason. In general, I just try to keep things positive and upbeat when I’m without my marine, and hearing lyrics about how I can’t live without him isn’t really beneficial to my well-being. However, in the midst of my plane boredom, I came up with the top 5 songs that I love but won’t listen to right now:
#1 – James Morrison – Wonderful World
And I know that it’s a wonderful world
But I can’t feel it right now
Well I thought that I was doing well
But I just want to cry now
Well I know that it’s a wonderful world
From the sky down to the sea
But I can only see it when you’re here, here with me
#2 – Tom Baxter – Better
See what I’m trying to say is,
You make things….better.
And no matter what the day is,
With you here… it’s better.
#3 – Jack Johnson – Better Together
It’s not always easy and
Sometimes life can be deceiving
I’ll tell you one thing, it’s always better when we’re together
#4 – Amos Lee – Colors
Yesterday I got lost in the circus,
feeling like such a mess.
And now I’m down,
I’m just hanging on the corner.
I can’t help but reminisce.
‘Cause when you’re gone,
all the colors fade.
When you’re gone,
no New Years Day parade.
colors seem to fade.
#5 – Pretty much anything Coldplay, including The Scientist:
Nobody said it was easy
It’s such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh, take me back to the start.
On the flip side, I listen to a lot of music nowadays that has the opposite effect on me and stresses hanging on and pushing through things, like this song:
I also think the key for me to be as happy as possible and get through deployments has been to have my own things going on and keep super busy, and to have a support system that I keep in close contact with. Right now, being with my family and friends is helping me skate through this last chunk of time I have before awaiting my hubby’s return. Speaking of which, I’m off to go have dinner with my oldest friend!
“One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful.” – Sigmund Freud